Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Losing Focus and Finding Love

Oh my gosh, I know, I have been at this for 16 weeks now and very little weight has come off. I even put almost 4 pounds back on over the past two weeks.  Yikes!  I told myself though that this time I was not going to give up no matter how many times I screw up. Lately my focus has been on other things. Planning for Highlands War, Going to War, Making poor choices for food at war, not taking advantage of the opportunity to walk more at war. Yeah and then there is the time spent with my Love. 
Yep! I said it I'm in LOVE!
I have spent almost all of my free time with him too. We have been lazy getting to know each other, hanging out at home drinking beers on the patio, going out to dinner, hanging out with friends, that I slacked off. Yep it's all me. I would love to put the blame on someone else but really it's all on me, I know better. So I had to ask him, Gregg, the man who holds my heart, to help me be more active.  He said that he would also like to get down a few pounds and get in better shape himself. Now we are walking together every evening. Yeah so far it has only been for the past 2 nights, but if it had not been for him encouraging me and making me go I probably would have made excuses not too. "My feet hurt" Is the main one. It is true my feet do hurt but I don't want that to stop me. I want to change that. Just means that I have to take off some of the weight which will help with the pressure, and I have to do stretches to help with the inflamed tendon, the Plantar Fascia, otherwise known at Planter Fasciitis. I also suffer with heel spurs, little pointy growths on the bottom of my heels of calcium that build up on the edge of the heel bone where the PF tendon connects. NOT FUN!  Which is only fixed by going in with a knife and scraping it off. Surgery. Without Insurance that is not going to happen anytime soon. Oh well. 
Being In Love
I have been alone for a very long time. In my opinion 12 years. Yes I tried with a couple of guys but none of them were really in love with me nor I them. Well I will always love one of them, but he will never be the man I fell in love with again. So that was doomed anyway. I have searched and given up hope that I would ever find someone who would like me let alone love me. Man did this one take me by Surprise. I knew him for almost 2 years before we ever connected like this. I didn't want to be his second choice and he was with someone. So I let him be. His situation changed and he came calling on me. He and I laugh, we talk, we hold hands, we kiss (its been a long time since someone liked to kiss me and I'm a good kisser, LOL), we hold hands, I was not expecting to fall for him, but I did. I even resisted for a short while not believing I could love, wondering if I knew what love is. It sort of hit me all at once one night. It surprised me a great deal. I didn't believe other people when the told me that if someone loves you it doesn't matter what you weigh. It doesn't matter what you look like. They will love you for who you are. I wanted to believe that was possible, but I had a great deal of doubt. I had been alone for a very long time.  I truly am surprised by this man. I am still going to lose weight for me because I want my self image to be what I believe it should be for my own personal happiness. I am forever grateful to know his love for me doesn't depend on whether or not I reach my weight loss goals, He fell for me the way I am. What more could I ask for?  I really think were going to be very happy together for a long time. So once again My heart hopes, My mind has faith and now I truly believe I know Love. 
I am a very happy girl
1st Corinthians 13 verse 13
(my verse, my device, my truth)
And now these three remain: Faith Hope and Love the greatest of these is Love
Thanks God. 

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